the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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