drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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