My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
