So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
