Don't you send me to vm
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
