i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
