He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize