Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
