alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
