I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
