You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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