Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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