what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize