Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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