I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
