i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
