i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
