I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
