I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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