I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
