I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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