You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
