she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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