Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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