That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize