i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Say something about gay babies.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize