I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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