oh god the rape fog is back!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
