look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
two words: eviction party
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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