Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
