I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
