I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
