Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize