Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I need to calm my uterus...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
