I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
