Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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