if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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