It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
