That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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