It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
