Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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