My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
