put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
