All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
