she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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