so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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