My sheets look like a crime scene.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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