I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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