just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
