life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize