he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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