Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
