Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
