i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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