I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
