I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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