we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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