guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
bring money and cleavage
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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