I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
