your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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