I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
