I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
