Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
