i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
