The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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