I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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