a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
