I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
