This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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