i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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