Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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