That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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