I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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