Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i dont even know how to be here
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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