If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
