Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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