i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
