Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
