I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
