i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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