True but thats because hes a fetus.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
