are you so shy because you have an std?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
