dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
