$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Damn victory sex feels great
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