I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize