its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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