You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
