According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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