i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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