i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
