you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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