Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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