I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
