You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
