oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize