omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
