I met the friendliest cop last night
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
