Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
