his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
