He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she peed on how many people?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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