toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
