Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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