Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
