I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
