My liver just broke up with me...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
