Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
