i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
